Welcome to America, the dwelling-place of the historically free, cum brave, people, where today's technology is already anachronistic, obesity enjoys the privilege of healthiness, and where resipiscence is met with the intolerance that such a big word invites.
Make no notice of that man, Papa Squirell says to Junior, he's just a transient. Oh but our little acorn has been feeding him, Mama Squirell hisses. Junior! Papa reprimands, how many times have I told you not to feed the humans? It makes them dependent and they'll starve in the real world! You don't want that, do you?
In Adams Morgan the rats have nationalised the water and sewer authority; we're all hopeful it proves to be a vast improvement.
When pigs fly.
Isn't that the baby-boomer classic retort?
When won't America be the bestest?
When pigs fly! Right. What about the two-headed one with antlers that passed overhead?
I didn't do as well in my college economics course as I would have liked; I had defer…
Funny how men, when trying to apologise to their women, always miss their significant other as a function of some inanimate object; "the couch misses you," "the closet isn't feeling well without your stuff," "the toilet is chilly without your fuzzy shag bonnet."
For the first time you don’t care about five dollar foot longs. The ad before was creepy, you think to yourself. The one with the weird-eyed kid with his mom’s green bed sheet tied round his neck. You think he gave you a weird look, you know, when he was standing outside the office building. That’s when the Subway ad came on. Five dollar footlongs never seemed so irritating. They were an affront to your psyche, you think. Who gives a flying fuck? You tell the TV, as if it’ll listen, to move the hell on. Wait, wait. Faith Hill’s on. She starts singing now. Tell the people in the other room to pipe down. You don’t want to hear plates clinking. Your ears are now hypersensitive. It’s incredible. She starts singing, carrying that first note like high and long like the pigskin in that ad that had Lebron James playing NFL. Daydreams suck. It’s great to be American. Jennifer Hudson! Gosh the marines were beautiful, you think. Is it all right for Marine’s to be beautiful. The national anthem s…